Do you put boundaries in place, with kindness and clarity?

Many of us have trouble setting clear boundaries, especially if we assume that being “nice” means being accommodating. A boundary dance will be required to put you on the right road.

With some courage and commitment, anyone can become an expert boundary dancer and enjoy healthier relationships with friends, colleagues, and partners. Listen to the video to find out more.

If you would prefer to read about putting boundaries in palce, there is also a transcript below the video.

Do you find yourself saying yes to requests automatically, even when you don’t want to?

Do you worry too much about hurting others feelings, or being disliked, if you say no?

So do you find yourself saying yes to requests automatically even when you don’t want to?

I know I do.

So do you worry too much about hurting others feelings or being disliked if you say no?

Many of us have trouble putting clear boundaries in place especially if we assume that being nice means being accommodating, we’re actually being self-compassionate when we learn to draw clear and healthy boundaries.

This doesn’t mean it’s my way or the hard way or that we don’t consider the needs of others once but it does mean that our own well-being is given the weight and importance that’s due.

Setting boundaries is something we have to engage with on a daily basis and I call it “The Boundary Dance”, a compassionate one being open hearted transparent and authentic is a good way to start to get in alignment with our values and therefore our boundaries and that’s easier said than done.

So do you sometimes feel resentful in relationships?

Do you feel like you overgive and overextend yourself?

Or do you feel chronically underappreciated are you walking around feeling a bit annoyed at people or maybe feeling um unsatisfied in important relationships at work in your circle of friends or an intimate relationship with a partner.

Then some boundary work definitely needs to be done.

So having healthy boundaries and being able to put them in place with kindness and clarity is a skill which means any one of us can learn how to do this even if we’re willing and want to it’s still a skill to be learned it’s a bit of give and a bit of take making sure that you stand in your truth.

So it’s give and take give and take and that’s why I call it the boundary dance.

The Boundary Dance

Whatever the situation is, we can be honest about our needs preferences our limits and desires

So with some courage and commitment you can become an expert boundary dancer. We can be the change we want in our lives.

In order to draw healthy boundaries we need to stop simply going along with whatever people in our lives want us to do or are doing themselves.

  • A partner who’s inconsiderate
  • A colleague who says something offensive
  • A friend who makes excessive demands on our time

…just for example and you then need to firmly say how you feel about the situation.

So when you’re doing this there are a few boxes that need to be ticked and the first one is that your decision must be for you first and foremost. The second one is it must be good for the other person and then lastly it must be good for the situation so again let’s give and take give and take the boundary dance.

So when others ask for our help or assistance we need to stop and pause and consider

  • is this good for me?
  • is this something i want to do?
  • do I feel comfortable with this?
  • will this cause me undue stress?
  • do i need more space for time for myself?

Rather than following this request and is it good for the other person and is it good for their situation and then take appropriate action.

Wwe need to call on fierce self-compassion to be able to negotiate our boundaries.

Being brave, empowered and clear. How we deliver our firm words with kindness we also need to be kind to ourselves with warm acceptance to deal with any  fear that we might not be liked or a thought that we might be selfish there is no such word in my dictionary as selfish.

When we take good care of ourselves it’s nurturing for our mind body and soul definitely not selfish.

We can’t help others if we don’t help ourselves first so take charge of the sovereignty of yourself and enjoy the boundary dance!

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